tinston

waaah

2005-12-23T21:18:56Z

i wanted to get this out for a while. tonight i thought enough to write it all out. just because it was new years, basically. what better place to bitch and whine about my life than livejournal.

i know im kinda lame. i know im kinda annoying. i know how i can come across sometimes, and i do try to catch it. but i realized im just another number in peoples phonebooks. just a number. no need to answer or call back (call back at all, not even within any amount of time). i didnt just realize this now. and its more than phones. its however people talk. aim, myspace, hell even in person. i know what it means when all of a sudden the situation is everyone is tired and they are going home but everyones just kinda milling around cars. i know what it means when i buy something from someone i had hung out with on a regular basis and want a quick ride to mobil, but someone is getting dropped off and then their going home so i cant get a ride. when the gas station is next to where the kid is getting dropped off and my house is next to where they are coming home to (haha say that a few times fast). im not being overly hard on this, i saw the car in the cul de sac after i met up with people at mobil. whats worse is that its the same fucking kid who decided he wanted to hang out with the kid whose whole group of little thug ass wannabees want to kick my ass for no apparent reason. confusing maybe? he knew this kid hated me, didnt even know him otherwise, and he called me just to laugh and put tom on the phone. nevermind that i called earlier in the night and fucker didnt call me back. that was just the other night. im a sucker though. everytime. i trust that people are telling me the truth. im afraid of calling people and getting a voicemail because the majority of the time i know what it means. i have made plans to hang out with a girl that i spent a rediculous amount of time with in only a few weeks and who honestly tried really hard to make me believe that she loved me, got me to put up with some rediculous crap and her rediculous friends. got the call that she was on the way. hours later called. voicemail. called. voicemail. called someone else. found out that she picked up my friend instead and fucked him. hung out with a girl, she made me promise her a ride to the city the next day. dropped her off. the next day called. the day after, called. saw her at rcc weeks later. waved and said hi, only to get a cold blank look. saw her come into my job and she tried to put a guilt trip on me because i didnt say hi or anything, then went on to say how successful her violin career was going. whatever, i win because you never came to the class we were in ever again. F! i loathe people that pussyfoot around what is really going on because they can get something out of it or because they just plain dont have the guts not to. the most frustrating part is that it usually does work out for people. someday they will be the best lawyers, the most well liked judges, the most successful shady ass business men and women. i dont know what it is about me. im too trusting, too honest but its how i want to be, it makes me happy and i feel so guilty unless im anyway else. i find it easy to have a good time with people. i never intentionally do anything to hurt anyone, but time and time again it comes back in my face. i get used, i get lied to. i have games played with me. people want to fight. people will work out some kind of plans with me, not letting me know that i was the backup plan in case something didnt go through. never answer the phone. i dont want anyone to ignore. i dont want anyone to play games with. i dont want someone to try to get with me just so they know that they probably could if they really wanted to. i wish i knew someone who was unquestionably honest that i could be honest with. someone who thinks about the best interests of people other then themselves, that i could think about the best interests of. and i havent lost faith. i have spent so much time searching myself. i make it so much of a priority just to be the person i want to be. i look out for people when i really dont get anything in return. im so afraid to count on anyone, but still i do. im too much of an easy target, this day in age. and im definitely not perfect, i know this is coming out that way. but me doing something i wouldnt want other people to do definitely is not the routine. i avoid it, and if i didnt, i do my best to make things right. i wish i wish i wish it didnt have to be this way. i wish i could be happy with anyone else besides myself. i wish i could make people happy, but not just happy that they are getting what they want from me. i can be happy alone, but only happy in an alone kind of way. haha i didnt write this about you because there were a few other people. but you all know who you are. and i know im probably going to get calls from people explainging what happened, but god damn coulda told me instead of ignoring what you are only going to want to make up a dumb excuse about anyway. i dont think its me against the world, or the world against me but fuck im not happy with things. and shit id love it if more people realized that stupid shit is a vicious cycle.

im done complaining. time to sit in front of the television again, or download more music, or spend more time playing guitar (im way stoked about how i have been playing). its really not that bad, im just moping because i had a wack new years. i probably shouldnt even post this, might come back at me with terrible force but i really dont care about an online journal post. later.

tinston @ 2005-09-08T15:55:00

2005-09-08T17:20:40Z

im back

im all up on this bitch now. so look out.

tinston @ 2005-01-23T01:56:00

2005-01-23T07:00:05Z

so i played a show as steps to recovery at the backdoor. just me playing guitar and singing. it was cool i think i managed to play decent, but there werent a lot of people there. i had fun.

in other news, for no apparent reason, on the rolling rock bottle, it says "33" in quotations. IS THIS ANOTHER COHEED AND CAMBRIA CONSPIRACY??? probably not, i dunno if there even are coheed conspiracies but probly.

my guitar is still on order or shipping or something. when it arrives believe me you will know about it.

RCC starts on monday full time. its gonna be sick. i have done this like everytime i took a class since i had this live-journal thing so here goes. and if you dont know me and youre in a class with me feel free to leave a comment. i havent really gotten any of those comments since spinsten.
anyways.
english comp 1, mw 2:30 - 3:45
calculus 1, tr 1:30 - 3:10 (again, but for no apparent reason this time bc i already have my math credit)
audio production 1, weds. 6:30 - 9:10 (gonna be fun maybe?)
songwriters workshop, mw, 1:00 - 2:15
SWIMMING YEA SWIMMING, mw, 11:00 - 11:50

gonna be a sick semester maybe

tinston @ 2004-12-25T22:57:00

2004-12-26T04:01:31Z

so heres whats good

i pulled a 0.6 GPA at manhattan this semester. RCC06 all the way baby.
im taking sociology over the winter at rcc. i start monday.

i ordered an esp ltd ex 50. basically im getting a really rad, pointy guitar with crazy pickups.
recording at oyers howze was too iffy, so i bought a 4 track and im gonna do it myself.

i got a fake id, and i used it to buy vodka. haha it rules. my name is sean tinstin on it and i live in edison new jersey. basically im a bum on my fake id so its all good.

tinston @ 2004-12-06T01:27:00

2004-12-06T05:28:53Z

i wanted to get this out for a while. ltonight i thought enough to write it all out. just because it was new years, basically. what better place to bitch and whine about my life than livejournal.

i know im kinda lame. i know im kinda annoying. i know how i can come across sometimes, and i do try to catch it. but i realized im just another number in peoples phonebooks. just a number. no need to answer or call back (call back at all, not even within any amount of time). i didnt just realize this now. and its more than phones. its however people talk. aim, myspace, hell even in person. i know what it means when all of a sudden the situation is everyone is tired and they are going home but everyones just kinda milling around cars. i know what it means when i buy something from someone i had hung out with on a regular basis and want a quick ride to mobil, but someone is getting dropped off and then their going home so i cant get a ride. when the gas station is next to where the kid is getting dropped off and my house is next to where they are coming home to (haha say that a few times fast). im not being overly hard on this, i saw the car in the cul de sac after i met up with people at mobil. whats worse is that its the same fucking kid who decided he wanted to hang out with the kid whose whole group of little thug ass wannabees want to kick my ass for no apparent reason. confusing maybe? he knew this kid hated me, didnt even know him otherwise, and he called me just to laugh and put tom on the phone. nevermind that i called earlier in the night and fucker didnt call me back. that was just the other night. im a sucker though. everytime. i trust that people are telling me the truth. im afraid of calling people and getting a voicemail because the majority of the time i know what it means. i have made plans to hang out with a girl that i spent a rediculous amount of time with in only a few weeks and who honestly tried really hard to make me believe that she loved me, got me to put up with some rediculous crap and her rediculous friends. got the call that she was on the way. hours later called. voicemail. called. voicemail. called someone else. found out that she picked up my friend instead and fucked him. hung out with a girl, she made me promise her a ride to the city the next day. dropped her off. the next day called. the day after, called. saw her at rcc weeks later. waved and said hi, only to get a cold blank look. saw her come into my job and she tried to put a guilt trip on me because i didnt say hi or anything, then went on to say how successful her violin career was going. whatever, i win because you never came to the class we were in ever again. F! i loathe people that pussyfoot around what is really going on because they can get something out of it or because they just plain dont have the guts not to. the most frustrating part is that it usually does work out for people. someday they will be the best lawyers, the most well liked judges, the most successful shady ass business men and women. i dont know what it is about me. im too trusting, too honest but its how i want to be, it makes me happy and i feel so guilty unless im anyway else. i find it easy to have a good time with people. i never intentionally do anything to hurt anyone, but time and time again it comes back in my face. i get used, i get lied to. i have games played with me. people want to fight. people will work out some kind of plans with me, not letting me know that i was the backup plan in case something didnt go through. never answer the phone. i dont want anyone to ignore. i dont want anyone to play games with. i dont want someone to try to get with me just so they know that they probably could if they really wanted to. i wish i knew someone who was unquestionably honest that i could be honest with. someone who thinks about the best interests of people other then themselves, that i could think about the best interests of. and i havent lost faith. i have spent so much time searching myself. i make it so much of a priority just to be the person i want to be. i look out for people when i really dont get anything in return. im so afraid to count on anyone, but still i do. im too much of an easy target, this day in age. and im definitely not perfect, i know this is coming out that way. but me doing something i wouldnt want other people to do definitely is not the routine. i avoid it, and if i didnt, i do my best to make things right. i wish i wish i wish it didnt have to be this way. i wish i could be happy with anyone else besides myself. i wish i could make people happy, but not just happy that they are getting what they want from me. i can be happy alone, but only happy in an alone kind of way. haha i didnt write this about you because there were a few other people. but you all know who you are. and i know im probably going to get calls from people explainging what happened, but god damn coulda told me instead of ignoring what you are only going to want to make up a dumb excuse about anyway. i dont think its me against the world, or the world against me but fuck im not happy with things. and shit id love it if more people realized that stupid shit is a vicious cycle.

im done complaining. time to sit in front of the television again, or download more music, or spend more time playing guitar (im way stoked about how i have been playing). its really not that bad, im just moping because i had a wack new years. i probably shouldnt even post this, might come back at me with terrible force but i really dont care about an online journal post. later.

some things

2004-11-22T18:54:47Z

bouncing souls and against me! on saturday night... what more can i say. it was ROCKING.

steps to recovery

me and billy are now steps to recovery. we are going to try to do a self recorded 3 song cd, entitled nachos for breakfast, sometime this week or next. hollar.

tinston @ 2004-11-19T00:54:00

2004-11-19T04:57:14Z

everything is fine nothing is broken

NEW SHIT NEW SHIT

2004-11-09T05:10:46Z

i made a new journal. im doing real bad in computer science. i saw rem and it was rad. fucking tonight i called WSOU and asked for them to play the bouncing souls, they said they would so i listened to like an hour of fucking screamo or something and then the dj signed off, leaving me hanging. so if you listen to WSOU, stop immediately. um and me first and the gimme gimme's rock.